Ocean’s Twelve (2004)

If you cross one ocean, you apparently get a shitty movie. Seriously, Europe is not a good ‘hip and cool heist movie’ setting. Although it was a better choice than Africa.

That’s probably the worst picture of Clooney ever.

So, Ocean’s Twelve. Sequel to the amazingly cool Ocean’s Eleven. Basically, it throws all of the same characters into a new setting – Europe! – and gives them an excuse to be thieves there. They end up stealing for their lives against the burgling prowess of Ze Night Fox, stealing exciting things such as the world’s oldest stock certificate, the world’s most expensive Fabergé Egg, and the world’s most boring piece of dust.

The long and the short of it (and if you watch the movie, there is no “the short” part) is that Ze Night Fox is jealous of this group of eleven people because some old fart he knows said that they were better thieves than him, and so he “forces” them to come to Europe to take part in his stupid Stealympic games (Play stupid games, win stupid prizes). After the rest of the movie has played and these movie stars all basically get paid to hang out and do whatever seems funny to them at the time on-screen, it is revealed that Ocean won and has beaten Ze Night Fox, although he didn’t actually steal anything ever. Happy ending for the cool Vegas cats. Then the credits roll.

PRETTY EXCITING STUFF. Avoid this movie. They don’t deserve whatever paychecks they got when they made it.

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