Wall•E (2008)

Yes, this is a game about pretending to pretend to help clean the Earth. Turning garbage into cubes and stacking them is fun, kids! Can YOU reach a high score in the quadrillions? How exciting!

I’m going to assume the official Wall•E videogame avoids the garbage-stacking fun altogether. But back in the day, we’d have had to put up with something crappy like this (And we would have liked it! Or we’d have buried it in a landfill in New Mexico, which is sort of what this movie is about). Each cube is worth an entire point! Dark brown cubes are arbitrarily worth two points! Can you break into the quadrillion point range with your high score?! Oh boy!

Wall•E was a fairly great movie. I’m quite enthusiastic about the idea that, eventually, robots will be the only ones who care about the human race because humans no longer will. Pixar’s computer animation is as slick as hell, and their simple story is told in a complex, but easy to understand (For all ages! Oh boy!) way. The robot characters are cute, engaging, and endearing. And they neither have nor need to put together even one expository phrase to be this way (There’s one robot that does speak, and quite a lot compared to the rest. But he’s cool, too). The depth of quality in this entire production easily warrants being seen in theaters.

If I have one complaint about Wall•E (And I do), it is that I absolutely cannot stand the human characters. Those fat, intellectual cavemen are as oblivious to the real world as Neo in The Matrix, but they live there. They literally sit on their asses drinking Slurpees for their entire lives. But, once Wall•E shows up, we’re supposed to cheer them on as they decide they might try their hands at the “intelligence” game? Those fucking pudges do everything in their power to break all that is good and sensible in the movie, culminating in an ending that is so impossibly optimistic that even the kids might wonder why it was a “happy ending”. If Wall•E had finally completed his mission of stacking every speck of garbage on his dead Earth into compressed cube skyscrapers, would that have been a happy ending? Um, no. Finding one living plant on a dead planet and deciding to end your lifetime pleasure cruise to go live there also seems a bit optimistic. Especially when your bone structure would collapse and kill you if you stood up, and you understand less than one percent of the words in any book you read. If nothing has changed in the past few thousand years on a planet that killed off all of the people who stayed on it, you shouldn’t go back. Use your shiny iPod robots to prepare the way a little, go Star Trekking, whatever.

At least it was a genuine happy ending for the robots. They don’t need the oxygen that seems to be in short supply without any plant life to speak of.

Mind you, Wall•E is still rather easily one of the best movies of the year. It just has some senseless and backwards “feel good” qualities that have, perhaps, been piped over from Pixar’s Cars (The only Pixar movie that I don’t love).


  1. I found myself unable to escape the physical impracticality of the ‘clean the world’ bot’s actual trash compacting capabilities. This bot can CRUSH anything smaller than 12″x12″x12″ into a cube! The possibilities of clean up are near LIMITLESS (read: horrendously limited). So I can’t help but fixate on that a bit…but the movie was enjoyable. I liked teh GLaDOUS like captain bot. Oh, the spaceship had massive trashcompacting bots….because those slurpy containers require them…(and sure, there were probably big trash bots on the earth at one point too, I guess…whatever)


  2. The Death Star was way ahead of the trash compacting curve, apparently. They knew that having “bigger trash” didn’t mean you should dump it in a room with a <>bigger Wall•E<>. That was just silly – but it was, I admit, a lot of fun to see the giant-size Wall•Es.


  3. It was a fun movie, but I’m ranking this fairly low on the Pixar scale. I found it hard to really identify with the robots, not so much because they’re soulless abominations, but mostly because they were very simplistic, almost stupid. And the villain was kind of dumb, but if you put him on your crotch, you can make pirate jokes! Okay, just one joke*. *Yarr, he drives me nuts! The animation was very pretty, but that goes without saying with Pixar. I was not jarred by the live action stuff in the film, although you have to admit it was pretty odd. Not so much the movie, but the real human and CGI human on the screen at the same time was a little…weird. As Schopodie pointed out, there were some physics problems with the film. For example, what was the deal with the bones? Overall, I’d give it a B-, but only because I don’t regret spending the money to see it.


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