fig. a: …Under a table!
fig. b: …Into a refridgerator!
fig. c: …Into a fireplace!
fig. d: …Under a horse!
fig. e: …Into a Cracker Jack box!
fig. f: …Into the barrel of a gun!
fig. g: …Into a leprechaun’s pot of gold!
fig. h: …Under a fucking bear!
fig. i: …Into your mother’s arms!
fig. j: …Under a magical unicorn!
fig. k: …Under the horrible death-aura of a grizzlicorn!
fig. l: …Into your own ass!
I hope that the picture works on some level even without the descriptive text, though I’m not sure why – I WANT you to read the descriptions. In any case, if you haven’t heard about the meeting of the unstoppable nuclear warhead with the impervious kitchen refrigerator then you haven’t been paying attention, and that little slice of insanity is what this was all about.
This was a poorly-conceived and badly-executed movie. I’m not sure why they felt the urge to revisit the Indiana Jones franchise after twenty years just so they could make the worst one yet.
I could entertain you with a horrifyingly long, detailed explanation of my thoughts upon the first and last twenty minutes of the film, because I’ve written that already. But I’ll keep this review a little more focused than I usually am. Suffice it to say that the movie jarred me into incredulous reality way too many times – either by use of insane plot devices, obvious green-screen backdrops, a worthless sense of timing in individual scenes, or simply by ditching everything that you would expect in an Indiana Jones movie for the slam-bang CG spectacular climax. The sins are too many, the movie is no good.
Harrison Ford does a good job of bringing Indy back, but he’s the only one.There are, incidentally, a lot of people who have really enjoyed this movie (Apparently). So it seems that the movie clearly hasn’t missed its marks entirely. Somehow. As for me, I say that Indiana Jones should have been left alone, where it belonged.
In a museum.