Aliens vs Predator – Requiem (2007)

The HELL he’s gonna have some damn xenomorph’s chest-baby with both feet in the grave! I ain’t acceptin’ that kinda behavior in THIS fam’ly!

This is the only explanation for the premise of AVP’s sequel that makes sense. Why else does one lone solitary singular Predator (Who is all by himself, and not with any other Predators or anything) go charging off to a planet full of walking chest-wombs just ripe for the face-raping when he sees a Predator/Alien hybrid on the loose? Xenophobic Predator hick. It’s the only way, I’m telling you!

Now, there’s really only one point I want to make. The first AVP movie sucked. Really, really badly. For every one fault AVP-R has, its predecessor had at least ten faults. So, what is my point? Give AVP-R a chance. It is a solid movie, along the lines of what everyone who was disappointed by AVP was originally expecting. Of course, now everyone knows the first AVP is a quarter-turn and half-shuffle away from a Uwe Boll movie (Because everyone watched AVP). AVP-R seems to have suffered pretty badly as a result.

I’m not saying AVP-R is reaching above B-movie fare, because it’s not. The complaint I’ve heard the most about it (Other than “it sucks”) is that the lighting work sucks. It’s not great, sure, but I didn’t have a problem with that until the long night-time portion of the movie. The characters aren’t memorable, except for the crazy-ass Predator and the Aliens. Oh, but that . . . that actually sounds good to me. AVP had at least two “memorable” human characters, and they both brought the movie down terribly. AVP-R has humans who are way out of their league, and it all flows pretty reasonably and sensibly in a B-movie fashion to me. If you can’t make an action movie star out of any of your human cast, then you definitely should take the “Brothers Strause” approach and admit that they are all fodder and no one is safe. This is not an action star movie, it’s a “Predators and Aliens are the stars” movie.

And I liked it. It really burns me that the rest of the world either hates this movie MORE than the first one (In fact, that freaking BLOWS MY MIND) or is just so burned from the first AVP that they won’t watch AVP-R.

The look at the Predator world was pretty cool. In fact, I really just want another Predator movie, I guess. I’ve had quite enough of this “there are Aliens all over Earth, despite how the Alien movies all take place in a far-flung future that’s never heard of the xenomorphs! Well, here are the Predators now!” crap. Let’s see some more Alien movies set in the future, where they belong, and either keep the Predators separate again or put THEM in the future as well.

In case you missed it, AVP-R IS AT LEAST TEN TIMES THE MOVIE THAT AVP IS ALTHOUGH MY MATH MAY BE OFF BECAUSE THERE’S NO WAY TO ACTUALLY CALCULATE THAT. And I liked it! Screw you! Screw you all! It was a fun movie! I’ll try to save some bitter, bitter rage for the AVP review, though. It has an awful lot to be blamed for.


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