Fantastic Four (2005)

2005 Fantastic Four
Fantastic Four: Episode II – The yuppie jerk scum Von Doom takes over a country he refers to as ‘Latwhereia?’ while a flying surfer assumes his physical identity!

Fantastic Four was, really, sort of close to hitting the mark. Effects looked great, actors knew their thing, the plot had a good amount of true-to-the-comics stuff…But it was a really annoying movie. Ben Grimm has rocks for brains and naught else, and gets his signature battle cry from a toy Thing. Sue Storm is the type of character who wears glasses and a ponytail to appear smart when in a science lab, and The Invisible Woman uses her powers as an excuse to be invisibly naked, which is acceptable with a PG-13 rating but still, I guess, supposedly titillating. Reed Richards is incredibly boring, and Mr. Fantastic is just Mister… uh… Mr. Boring. He is less of a leader and less-interesting than even Cyclops in any of the X-Men movies. Johnny Storm I don’t actually have an issue with, he’s a super-powered playboy and often bored by the poorly-written characters around him. Doctor Doom, now, is SO horrible that I’m not even going to talk about him anymore.

The problem seems to be one of scripting. The Thing is, apparently, styled after his original comic-book look and not his more interesting, popular, and recent craggy-browed one. OK, then, so what happened with Dr. Doom, smartasses? Shit, sorry, I forgot I’m not mentioning that. Anyway, it makes more sense to use the most recent and most popular look for a character, that’s all.

You know, I’m having trouble coming up with complaints that don’t involve the good Doctor. So, just… extrapolate from that as you please. Most of the movie involves him in some way.

I’m actually hopeful that, provided it is written better, the sequel will be a big improvement. Imagine what the first movie would have been like with good dialogue and four of the five main characters being overhauled and fleshed out to beyond two dimensions? In any case, this movie isn’t as bad as X-Men 3. So, there’s that.


  1. YAY! I like that tHE tHING appears to not be made of rock, he’s sort of like a short bald dude that was involved in some crazy ass Cheetos orgy. That kind of thing will evidently stunt your growth. Just look at the Thing in the movie he’s like 5’6″…and not a towering, hulking, menacing 5’6″ either.


  2. The Thing is a distinctly <>unhappy<> 5’6″. While that was great for the two feet of story arc he had… well… it really didn’t improve anything. Haha, Cheetos… he does look like a puffed cheese snack mascot.Chris, Mr. Fantastic KNOWS you want to tap the new heights he brings to the word “supple”. And, yes, he probably stares at his own ass all of the time.I meant to put this in the first comment, but I forgot: This post was brought to you via a suggestion from my brother. My dislike of the movie, however, is real.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s